The dreaded “L” word…

Everyone hates going to the gynecologist…it’s never much fun to have someone poking around between your legs (okay well almost never, LOL…couldn’t resist that one!) and asking you highly personal questions. And even though I work in a gynecology office, I am no exception to this rule. But it is one of those things that you have to do. So yesterday off I went. Everything was going swimmingly…and then she mentioned the dreaded “L” word…

Midwife (no I’m not pregnant…but I used a midwife when I delivered Coen and it just stuck!) as she is doing the breast exam – “So do you do monthly self-exams?”

Me (proudly) – “uh-huh…but I guess I don’t really even know what I’m looking for…a pea shaped thing? an irregular mass of some sort?”

Midwife, guiding my hand over my heart – “Well this is a lump here.”

Me, waiting for her to say something like “but it’s normal to feel this kind of lump” or “this would be one that you wouldn’t worry about”

Midwife, silence for a while…finishes the exam – “So I want you to go get this checked out.”

Me, starting to really freak out – “okay…”

Midwife, pulls out a referral slip…you know the one with the ridiculous drawing of boobies on it…and marks the spot with a big dot. This is where I start to lose it…then she writes in the comment section “Breast mass”…okay now I’m just doing everything I can think of to try and remain calm and not let the tears that have filled up my eyes pour over onto her paper. – “So I want you to go get an ultrasound…and a mammogram…and I would also recommend that you get a second opinion…whatever the result of those tests are. ”

Me, I really can’t say much at this point, I take the referral and leave, walking to the sanctuary of my car…where I promptly start hyper-ventilating.

Even though nothing is really known at this point and I know that many women find lumps and are totally fine…I can’t help but think of a girl I know…who was pregnant at the same time I was, same age, a mother…who is battling breast cancer. I drive home crying, luckily Coen and Dave were out having dinner together so I had time to collect myself…I didn’t want to freak either of them out.
I turned on the computer and googled “breast lump” then shut it off after I read 80% of breast lumps found turn out to be nothing” so 20% turn out to be something?? I decided I really didn’t like those odds and spent the night trying not to think about it (yeah right!) and trying to believe my husband when he said it was nothing and that I’d be fine.
So I was lucky enough to score an appointment for today after work with the ARNP consultant for all the breast surgeons where I work…she did a thorough exam…sat with me through the ultrasound and was very reassuring. I am young, I don’t have any risk factors for breast cancer…and they didn’t see anything worrisome on either of the tests. She wants be to come back in three months just to make sure there are no changes…but she said she literally didn’t see anything, no mass or lump…so is positive that everything is fine.

The last 24 hours have been a rollercoaster of emotions…and I’m glad to get of that ride for awhile.

Phew!!!!! Well if you stayed with this post long enough to get to the bottom you deserve an award! So I will give you one…go give your wife/mom/sister/daughter/friends a great big hug…and make sure they are doing everything they can to stay healthy.




  1. #1 by simplyblogged on December 9, 2008 - 10:52 pm

    I am so happy to hear that it was nothing. I had the same thing happen when I was 20 yrs old. They said it was fibroid? I was fine but it freaked me out.

  2. #2 by laura - dolcepics on December 10, 2008 - 1:33 am

    Aiyaa… what a scare. I’m happy to hear that it’s nothing! YAY! I have my annual checkup tomorrow. Eeps…!

    I love your photo!

  3. #3 by busymomma66 on December 10, 2008 - 4:16 am

    We’re all here for you.

    They found something on my mamogram this year and I had to wait a week to go get another one and ultrasound. Everyone was reassuriing me in between that most times it is nothing and I did believe that. But the freakout deep within my soul if it was something was major. It ended up being just a grape cluster cyst–I have to go back in 6 months for a recheck. But that freakout part down deep within me will always be there.

    I’m glad it was ok for you.

  4. #4 by Mandi on December 10, 2008 - 5:01 am

    Glad to hear that everything turned out fine. Thinking of you! Love, Mandi

  5. #5 by kristen on December 10, 2008 - 5:13 am

    i’m glad that you got the green light. i’ve had my scares over the years (even while pregnant, i had to have my breast aspirated and luckily it was just a milk duct), but i freak every september when it’s time for me to go.

    it’s why we pay out of pocket for my annual exam – i go to a center where i get my mammo and ultrasound and they read the results that day – the radiologist talks to me and then i get a feel-up and more ultra sounds by my doctor, a breast surgeon. when i walk out of the center, i KNOW what my breast health is and it’s worth it, not having to wait for results or call-backs…

    ok, i’m rambling but i’m really glad you got a green light and i’m counting that it’s going to be that way in three months time.

  6. #6 by Christina on December 10, 2008 - 8:24 am

    Wow, so scary! I’m glad all is well, but still – what a wakeup call. Yikes.

    Love the pic! Heck, I love all your pictures.

  7. #7 by Jamie on December 10, 2008 - 11:54 am

    Oh my goodness! Well I happy to hear that you’re doing just fine. Your new camera looks good on you!

  8. #8 by Wanda on December 10, 2008 - 1:35 pm

    You are being very brave. We’ll stick with the “It’s nothing to worry about” option. Okay?

    A dear friend of mine recently went through her second mastectomy. She is fine and getting better all the time. Even when it is “something” people can get through it and come out the other side just fine.

    You? Better than that.

  9. #9 by Amber on December 10, 2008 - 2:22 pm

    I remember my first annual exam after turning 30, I almost wanted my Doc to say,”it’s time for your first mammogram.” But she didn’t. I would be more at ease to find something sooner than later.

    Take care.

  10. #10 by Lish on December 10, 2008 - 2:37 pm

    Yikes, girl! You had ME hyperventilating reading this thing!!! Here’s to being 30, and having a whole lot more of those crazy roller coasters ahead of us, right? 😛

  11. #11 by MGF on December 10, 2008 - 3:42 pm

    Oh, I was holding my breathe the whole time you were telling your story. Glad to hear that things are ok.

  12. #12 by Jodyangel on December 10, 2008 - 8:02 pm

    aww sweetie I’m sorry you had to go thru this. Sucks! But lots of us have had the same experience.

    Thank god it’s nothing wrong tho. Time to celebrate!!

  13. #13 by elk on December 10, 2008 - 8:26 pm

    glad this had a positive outcome ~ very scary …can we just not have any lumps no one ….any where …is that too much to ask? to wish for?!

  14. #14 by renee @ FIMBY on December 11, 2008 - 8:03 am

    yikes. I was starting to get scared just reading your post. I hate that feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach, I can only imagine how you felt.

    and staying healthy – tell me about it! Sometimes I get tired of all the hoops we jump through (mostly meals I cook) to keep our health but I know it’s worth it.

  15. #15 by Krisi on December 11, 2008 - 2:41 pm

    I am so glad to hear that they didn’t find anything! I am sorry you had to go thru with all of that, what a scare! We are thinking of ya!

  16. #16 by Nikole on December 11, 2008 - 6:23 pm

    SO scary! I had about the same thing happen to me about a month ago, but I had to wait two weeks for my diagnostic ultrasound. I’m so glad you were able to get in quickly and most importantly, glad everything is okay. I had this happen a couple of years ago, and it was so much more frightening now that I am a mama.

    Love the photo. Simply gorgeous.

  17. #17 by carissa on December 11, 2008 - 6:36 pm

    came over from… weapons grade moose drool…
    your post completely took me in… SO happy for your good news! what a rollercoaster… for sure!

    and… oh my goodness gracious…
    your photography is AMAZING!

  18. #18 by Jill on December 12, 2008 - 6:05 pm

    OMG! I didn’t read this until just now, or I would have said something today. So sorry you had to go through that, and glad it’s all ok. It was fun to see you and Coen bouncin!

  19. #19 by killlashandra on December 15, 2008 - 3:11 pm

    On the 80% note, my Mom was told that she had a lump and they made her do a biopsy. Way worse that the ultra sound and mammogram, and it turned out to be nothing.

    I don’t blame you for freaking out one bit. Start breathing again though and make the appointment. It’s better to now know than later.

  20. #20 by Jonni on December 15, 2008 - 9:41 pm


    Oh honey, how scary. I am so glad that you are okay and it was nothing. But holy cow, what a scare to have to go through. i hope you are sleeping better tonight and I am so glad you are okay my friend. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding us how important it is to be pro-active with these types of things.

    {BIG} Hugs,

  21. #21 by Irina on December 23, 2008 - 10:15 am

    woah! i’m glad everything is fine and left behind! be healthy (back to you)!

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